Today, the doors of the Commons have closed for the last time this Parliament, and yesterday saw the last weekly clash between the two titans of modern politics (an accolade now taken over by Sir Michael Caine) at the despatch box. The dialogue between the two leaders might lend itself rather well to a remake of The Two Ronnies' Mastermind sketch...
Cameron's opener came somewhat out of left field in a move away from the key election issues, and the subtext of the PM's answer showed that he has evidently learned a lot about trust and honesty from his thirteen years in government (incidentally, perhaps this is why he has chosen to have Lord Mandelson at the forefront of the Labour campaign, known as he is for being an honest man of total integrity):
Cameron: As this is the last Prime Minister’s questions of this Parliament, it is the last chance for this Prime Minister to show that he is accountable for the decisions that he has made. Will he start by admitting that when British forces were sent into Helmand, they did not have sufficient helicopters to protect themselves and get the job done?
PM: The Commanding Officers in charge of the operation told us that they were properly equipped. [subtext: As a seasoned politician, I have learned to take everything that anyone says at face value.]
Later, Big Dave attempted to lead the PM down that path of National Insurance misfortune once more by trying to corner him into repeating the infamous line that the scores of businessmen supporting the Tory line on NI have been 'deceived'. Sadly for David, the PM isn't as lacking in intelligence or ability for autonomous thought as he would imply the businessmen are, and he constructed an ingenius and strikingly-original retort which might just as well be paraphrased: "The Tories are wrong." In response to further probing about potential tax rises:
DC: Is not the truth this: that this Prime Minister would wreck the recovery by putting a tax on every job, on everyone earning over £20,000—a tax on aspiration, a tax on every business in the country? This Government would wreck the recovery.
GB: [translation] I'm going to quote some statistics from the past on unrelated issues that are likely to be largely incorrect.
Towards the end of the session, no one would have batted an eyelid if there had been complaints about the questions not being relevant enough to the answers. The gist of the brief exchange between the PM and Nick Clegg was thus:
Clegg: Why should we trust a word the government says on political reform?
Brown: It was almost certainly the Conservatives' fault if we lied.
...and in what was potentially his final answer in PMQs, Brown had clearly decided ahead of time that he would close by showcasing himself as a diplomat, statesman, man of conviction, and to move away from unrelenting Tory-smearing as an election tactic. Verbatim:
Questioner: Given the allegations surrounding Glasgow city council and the demands for an inquiry—I believe that the idea of an inquiry is supported by former leader Steven Purcell and Labour businessman Willie Haughey—will the Prime Minister support such an investigation, or is he afraid that there is something to hide?
GB: The hon. Gentleman came down to this Parliament and he spent most of his time voting with the Conservative party. He should go back to Scotland and explain why, instead of voting for jobs, he is voting with the Conservative party in Parliament
Perhaps the implication here is that accusing someone of being a Tory sympathiser is a valid counter-argument for any subject of debate; that would certainly go a long way towards explaining most of the Labour campaign thus far.
The curtain may have fallen on questions in the Commons until the new Parliament convenes, but there is sure to be a boundless variety of the things put to each and every candidate as the campaign progresses. If the evidence here is anything to go by, the answers will be considerably less boundlessly variable...
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